Are you in desperate need of a bathroom break? Are you about to explode while reading this? Well, you’re in luck. Here are the three best places to poop in Loyola.

In first place is the bathroom on the third floor of the Ardolf building. This bathroom is famous amongst cubs for its beautiful views. Tucker Rowland ‘28 said: “The bathroom on the third floor of Ardolf is definitely the best for taking a poop. The beautiful view really relaxes the sphincter.”

In second place is the bathroom in Berendo. While it may be a bit of an unexpected pick, there are cubs who will defend this placement. Tucker Van Metter ‘28 said: “The Berendo bathroom is underrated. There are never too many people, allowing me to take a poop in peace.”

And finally, in third place is the bathroom on the first floor of the Hannon building, next to the microwave and ping pong tables. This bathroom is conveniently located and clean enough for anyone who needs to unload a hot tootsie roll. Noah Holmes ‘28 said: “I once had eaten some food that didn’t sit right with me and I was about to burst. The Hannon bathroom allowed me to escape with only a skid mark.”

The testimonies of these cubs really shows the importance of a good bathroom. It can mean the difference between a safe stool or a brown blowout.