On October 25, 2025, President Donald J. Trump used his unlimited company credit card to purchase this season’s Pass Royale, a move aides say was made “in the strategic interest of national competitiveness.” Immediately afterward, he announced that the White House had officially been upgraded to Level 16, a status he claimed no previous administration had the “skill, vision, or gems” to achieve.

According to staffers, the upgrade triggered a brief lockdown on Pennsylvania Avenue as the building recalibrated to its new “enhanced defensive posture,” complete with stronger walls, brighter lights, and what one intern described as “a faint humming sound that definitely wasn’t there before.” Legal scholars were caught off guard, unsure whether the Constitution addresses the president’s authority to raise federal property by an entire level through mobile in-app purchases, though one noted that “nothing explicitly forbids it, which is unfortunately how most of this term has gone.”

At a later press conference, Trump defended the expenditure, insisting that the $14.99 charge was “a tremendous deal” and that failing to buy the pass would have made the United States “look weak to players like China and Iran.” Additionally, Trump is planning on using his unlimited budget to add a new gamemode, Canada. The Canada update would allow MAGA Canadians that wish they were born in the United States to worship their massive Pay-2-Win spray-tan tomato man. He ended the briefing by teasing that Level 17 was “already in sight,” provided Congress cooperates and that “America doesn’t get tired of winning.”