When people think of a holiday like Valentine’s Day, some expect to be with loved ones and family, not to be on the toilet for 3 hours spitting out straight liquid. Unfortunately, this was the reality for over 218 poor Loyola students who consumed Z’s Valentine’s Days treats which were laced with over seven bottles worth of laxatives.
Although this isn’t the first or last time Z’s has ruined someone’s stomach, no one still knows who did it. As rumors start to rise, prime suspects have started to pool in where students are starting to speculate their teachers and their own peers to be the mastermind. One popular theory on who did it is Coach Powell, after students heard his Motivational Monday a week prior sound a little too close to the event that happened later.
Diego Rivas ‘28, a victim of the poisoning, describes the true battle that went on inside, saying, “It was one of the worst experiences at Loyola, right behind changing the type of toilet paper in the restrooms. It was a battle for a toilet seat where missing out left you the option of the trash can or worse. Everyone was desperate to find a spot to take a dump, and the scene didn’t look too pretty.” He lastly says that he is, “still recovering from whatever that #$%@ show was.”
This only didn’t affect the students who wanted to eat a sweet chocolate treat at 9am after a rough morning, but also the school as they now have to face thousands of dollars in toilet repairs. Too bad all the funding went into the 6-7, division five football team’s new helmets. Some recent accounts from the Loyola students describe the condition these toilets were in, stating that they were, “devastating and a gruesome scene,” looking like, “an average day in AP Chemistry.”
The true MVPs of this incident, the Loyola janitors, talk about their thoughts witnessing the atrocities they had to clean when no one decided to step in. “Never in our years here have we experienced a worse situation than this. The stains took hours to wash away. You don’t know the horrors of cleaning that mess for 2 days.”
After the incident, Z’s still faces controversies regarding who makes the food, but at the end of the day, students will still eat their four dollar up charge of Kentucky Fried Chicken sandwiches and Little Caesars Crazy Bread. For those 218 students, Valentine’s Day will be an even more important holiday and a lesson to them to not always trust everything they eat, especially their infamous “homemade” chocolates; however, you can trust the chicken bowls, those are safe.
