Chory’s Stories: The Pretentious Cinephile

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(Before this offends too many people, it’s a joke, and I’m one of them too) 

There are many fake film lovers out there. From people who recommend a movie they’ve never seen just to sound individualistic, to those who gush over one specific director. For the sake of the mockery, I’ve decided to categorize these “film lovers” and comment on their comical pit-falls. 

THE TARANTINO-PHILES. This particular subsection of cinephile stands out from the rest. It normally begins with Pulp Fiction, one that not many can argue against. It was different and unique and most likely was a driving force to change cinema, but is it any “indie” pick? By all means no. It’s closer to a blockbuster for Gen-Z than an art film, which doesn’t discount its awesomeness, but it is comical for film snobs to praise it as an unique choice. Praising Pulp Fiction is a noble cause, but those who defend all of Tarantino’s works because they fell in love with Pulp Fiction when they were a teen is another misguided, snobby choice. Having to defend the Hateful 8 because “Tarantino has never made a movie that wasn’t perfect” is hilarious. Now does this mean you have to stop wearing that one t-shirt with Uma Thurman as Mia on it that you bought from Zumiez? No doubt that is a cool shirt, but I’d recommend watching the movie before you wear it out in public. 

FIGHT CLUB. Ah, yes. This one’s for you aspiring, current, or former film school students. You know you’re guilty of talking about this movie too much and being the embodiment of condescension if anyone says otherwise. Yes, it’s a great film. It’s a similar situation to a Tarantino-Phile, except the Fight Club fan is typically one who secretly enjoys watching Micheal Bay films. Yeah, that’s right—I’m on to your secrets. It’s okay to like a blockbuster movie; you haven’t lost your pretentious authority to say you enjoyed a Fast and Furious movie.  

THE SCORSESE APPRENTICE.  There are not many pretentious snobs who will fake being a Scorsese fan. It’s hard to understand why, but it most likely stems from the color palette and the dark storylines. The Scorsese apprentice is the one who will quote Tarantino on how literal film is “far superior” than the digital format (which is somewhat true) and quote Scorsese about how “Superhero movies are just theme parks.” Yeah, you’re different because you hate something that everyone else enjoys. Cool. It doesn’t actually make anyone feel insufficient when you bully superhero movies; it just makes you look pretentious. Everyone has his or her own taste. I’m just here to make fun of my fellow movie-loving peers.

The “Have you seen this film?” These cinephiles are the best when you catch them in the act of pretending to have seen a movie to improve their ego. The most relevant example, Moonlight. Unfortunately, yet comedically, not a lot of people bothered to watch Moonlight and pretended to assert their “goodness” by pretending to have watched the film. The Best Picture blunder with La La Land proves the point: even the Oscars gave Best Picture to Moonlight, only after giving the award to La La Land. The best part about the story is that the joke continued for another year, while people continued to pretend to have seen the film. In short, the best way around these “cinephiles” is to quickly admit you haven’t seen the film they’re talking about so they shut-up, or if you can tell they’re making it up, catch them in the act, and maybe they’ll change their ways.The Foreign Film Club. For those who reject everything American, there’s the rest of the world to look to for great films. Making movies for a foreign audience has enabled more experimental styles throughout the years, but it doesn’t mean Americans are wrong, but rather we’re different. Expecting to see a foreign film to win the Oscars–no matter how masterful the film is–is normally out of the question. Because, believe it or not, they’re are way more artistic film festivals outside the U.S. (Cannes, TIFF, Venice, etc.). Yeah, it’s a shame that it’s more of a one way street, with the US outputting more films and not taking a lot of films from other countries. The Oscars don’t matter for these great movies. Remember that when you’re trying to best one of these “cinephiles.”

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